It has clearly become a part of my life/part of my misery. Although I love being awkward, loud, and generally just love to stand out and not fit in...I can't help but wonder what life would be like if I didn't have to be half those things all the time.
Would I be covered in tattoos?
Would I be living in Oregon?
Would I have the same friends?
Would I have done half the stupid shit I did in Boston?
Would I still have this odd feeling of being alone, even when I surround myself with people?
Would I have gone to Berklee College Of Music on scholarship?
Would I be a singer?
Would I want to be in the music industry or would I be into something my grandparents like to call, 'practical?'
Lot's of would I's.
I am learning to become comfortable in my skin still. We all doubt ourselves sometimes in life. I feel like everyday I wake up I have a process of not knowing what to do with myself. I question my motives and why I want to do what I plan on doing for the rest of my life. I question why I have covered my skin in ink.
That's something that bothers me. My tattoos say a lot about me....they tell a story. Yes I love the musicians that the tattoos represent, but it is for the music they make not for them. I went through a lot of crap and at times I felt like I had absolutely no one.
I used to be SO angry.
But music opened up my mind to an extent I didn't think anything could. It made me realize somebody else had felt like I did...I wasn't alone or helpless. And I knew I wanted to become a part of something like that.
I know I can be a little on the crazy side sometimes and I look back and think I looked like an idiot, but you know what I have really come to see....I can't remember ever having more fun than when I wasn't thinking and was just doing what comes naturally. So, I look stupid...hopefully I will get over that.
I am 100% original and although I may be embarrassed by this right now...I know I will be incredibly proud of myself when I am older. I haven't done things to be like so and so. I have tried to follow my dreams and will continue to do so...even if it sucks sometimes. There is no one else like me and that is why I have met so many great people and have had the opportunities I have had.
That's probably why you are reading this. =)
I live for 4 things:
Passion
Music
Love
Life
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1 comment:
you are SUCH bamf. god. i totally understand your self-doubt, but you know what?...i'm going to leave you with my all time favorite quote...hopefully it makes you as happy to be "ridiculous" or "different" as it has made me....
"Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them; disagree with them; glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who actually do." Jack Kerouac
Here's to people like you and I!! :) love you.
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