Will I Ever Be Enough.....For Me?

I feel like so many people try to be enough for their parents, their friend...someone that isn't who they should really be trying for. The fact, in my eyes, is that it's about making sure you are being true to yourself. You don't have to do anything for anyone, but yourself. Who decided we were supposed to care what our peers thought or the public? Why does that matter so much to so many people? I know I am one who can be affected by what others think and I don't know why...it bothers me that I can't explain it. I know that a counselor or a friend would probably have an answer that makes sense, but that doesn't mean it will stop bothering me.

I am not living my life right now. Is that weird to say that? I feel like I keep moving from point A to point A to point A. I keep leaving myself in debt, I keep going to concerts, I keep buying clothes and food....all these things are not necessary. I just want to not have all this negativity in my life.

I am so much better than this.



We are out of our minds
We cant live this way forever, forever
So run, run with me from the ordinary
It's our time to escape lose ourselves

If we can find a way to break this chain
Regain the natural cycle
Leave your answers behind we’ll be there to decide
If we can find the strength to go our own way, go our own way
It will take your breath away; will take your breath away

We are out of our minds
We can't live this way forever, forever
So run, run with me from the ordinary
Come on it’s our time to escape lose ourselves

We finally found a way to make the change we’ll make the change together
(Old ways left behind, chains will loosen over time)
We finally found the strength to go our own way to go our own way
(No longer are we confined, the power of resolution shines)

Now we are free again, we are free again, we are free again

Do I have your attention?
Look what we can create
It will take your breath away; will take your breath away, away
Do I have your attention?
Now’s our time to escape
Find the strength to go our own way

Now we are free again, we are free again, again
Now we are free again, we are free again; again, again, we are free again

The Funny Thing Is....

...I didn't have to work there to know this.

A Day Off....

I am determined to do something that I have never done before today....I don't know exactly what that will be just yet, but I know I would like to do something that makes me like Portland a bit more. I rag on this city a lot...I think it is time I find something to like about it.

Wish me luck!


Ps. I got the days off I asked for....which means I will be seeing THE STILLS in a few weeks for the first time!!! They are playing for the grand opening of a new venue in Canada...and the venue is teeny. Less than 400 capacity. I can't wait!!!!

Pps. I got paid today!!! Hooray!!!

Sometimes Being....

...the cool girl sucks.

I know....you wouldn't think so, right?

You are friends with just about every kind of person, in every different kind of group. You get to know the best of the best. You get some opportunities that many people never even get to think about.

But sometimes it gets old. Right now for instance is one of those days when I feel like it isn't worth it. That maybe for once, it would be nice to 'be like everyone' else. Have a good plan that doesn't rely on networking and chance. Be book smart and attend college, get a degree, and then start a career.

In the end I know that this whole mood really has nothing to do with that, but with other things. I never understand how to talk about it and not sound like I am whining. Whining and complaining are such terrible things in life. They cause doubt and negativity...and those things are so unhealthy.

I just..ugh...can't say it! I just can't be one of those people....and confess everything in written word...well, I can...I just don't want to sound stupid. You know when you know how you want to say something or write something, but when you go to do it...it just doesn't come out the way you want it to at all. And then you never share it, because you don't want to mess with how it is supposed to be....is this making any sense at all?

Oh my brain.