I feel like I let myself fail every time I set out to do something.
It's as if I talk about all the things I could succeed at, but I never even really try as hard as I can. The thing that's makes it worse is that I am so aware of it. It eats away at me every day....I think about it on a regular basis and yet....I still don't do anything to make something happen.
Sorry if you don't like reading this...mom...gary...or whoever actually keeps an eye on this still....
I have happy moments...many happy moments, but...I just feel so unhappy all the time. I think about going to a counselor, but I generally talk about stuff when I am unhappy. I just don't know how to not be so disappointed in myself ALL THE TIME. I hate who I am. I hate that I can't accept myself. I have so many good qualities and gifts...and like I said before...it only makes me more frustrated, because I am SO aware of it.
We all have insecurities...but when do they stop ruling our lives...or when do we stop letting them?
I want to feel good again...not necessarily about all this stuff. I just want to wake up in the morning...and feel good. Nothing more, nothing less.
I don't want to have such negative thoughts and ideas running through my head every time I see my reflection, every time I think of something I failed at.
Why can't I let myself be enough for me. I never by any means want to be content...I always want to strive for something better, but...why are we all so set on being unhappy in this life?
Monday, March 10, 2008
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